Marriage Mayhem

          One day after my IST was over my best friend Mata from next door came to visit me. She plopped herself down on my guest bed clearly frazzled about something going on. I asked her how she was and how she was doing the whole bit. She explained to me what had been happening in her life while I was away. She said one day a man showed up from Kombo and he was staying at the Besse lodge doing some cashew business. Unbeknownst to her he saw her one day and supposedly fell madly in love head over heels for her. He went to her compound and asked to see her and to speak with her. That very day he asked her mother for her hand in marriage. Her mother agreed much to Mata’s dismay. Mata’s father lives in Kombo and therefore the decision in this case goes to her mother. Mata was astonished. She has never met this man, does not know him, and here is the real kicker, she yells exasperatedly at me, “I DON’T LOVE HIM!”

            I begin wracking my brain trying to figure out what to do, what to say. I have never NEVER in my life had a friend come to me with this sort of problem before I was almost just as flabbergasted as she was. Finally, I console with her. I ask her if she has told her boyfriend. She explains to me she has and they are both very sad at the prospect. I ask her if she has talked to her mother about her interest in completing school (Mata is 20 years old in grade 8) and she says of course. Her mother is set on receiving the dowry for Mata’s marriage and they really could use the money. After Mata leaves my house I go to the only person I think can help, my fake father in village, who is actually my uncle, and language coach, but mainly friend and advisor. I explain everything to him and he is aghast.

            He takes my hand and marches me to Mata’s compound. He yells for Mata’s mother and commands I sit and watch the argument commence (mind you it is all in Mandinka so I am only catching bits and pieces). I catch things like, “she must finish school,” and “how can you be so stupid to sell your own daughter.” Long story short he pretty much berates her for being so foolish and tries to explain to her times are changing and school is so important for young women. The conversation ends with her mother trying to tell me Mata lied about everything and she is laughing hysterically. I ask Karrafa, my father why she is laughing. He explains to me it is because she is so ashamed about the situation. This situation just adds to my confidence, I am pretty dang integrated if I can understand a heated argument between adults and thwart a marriage for a young girl. Maybe the Gambians are learning to trust and respect me after all. So next time you’re wondering when your Prince or Princess Charming will spot you, be a little wary, you never quite know what to expect.